My husband has almost always been unapologetically unapologetic. He calculates his thoughts thoroughly and 90% of the time will revisit them before communicating them. He voices when he needs something and takes action quickly. He is really, really in tune with himself and good at prioritizing his needs.
I have never had to consider the necessity of this type of self-consciousness and self-awareness until I became a parent. Mind the dichotomy here; much of parenting requires selflessness, especially in the newborn phase. This goes for all parents but is especially true for all moms and exponentially true for pregnant women and breastfeeding moms. How can you become self-aware while also being selfless?
You may have already read my post, “6 Tips for Working Moms to Enjoy More by Doing Less,” and really, all of it can come down to balancing selflessness with self awareness. From the newborn days of changing diapers so small you could use cooking tweezers and you’re running on little to no sleep, to the nights when #allthepeople are intermittently awake with colds, how can you possibly think about yourself? And how can you without feeling guilty?
Even before we finally got pregnant—a 5+ year, character-building process—hubs and I started implementing a different kind of communication system: HALT.
“Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired” is a simple acronym that can help you quickly identify your needs on a basic level—especially when you are beyond exhaustion—to help you address them and then better care for yourself and your family.
Why should you put this before your kids’ needs sometimes? Believe me, if you aren’t functioning well, your kids will know it, no matter the age. If you and your partner aren’t functioning well, your family can’t function well.
You can’t care for others if you aren’t cared for. How can you balance this when you have little kids and/or other major life stressors?
“Quite simply, the more self-aware we are, the more likely we are to behave in ways that are congruent with who we want to be and how we want to interact with the people in our lives, including our children.” Carla Naumberg’s book on mindful parenting could prove useful to those of us struggling to control our reactions around our kids. Let’s face it—that happens to all of us since we are human, and we are raising tiny humans!
Self-awareness empowers us to control emotions and behavior and then leads us to change our mindsets. And don’t we want to teach our kids how to do that, too?!
So while H.A.L.T. may seem like a simplistic concept, it really can help even the most preoccupied parents do a quick check to determine their own needs over the voices of their children (and we know how loud they can be) and then determine appropriate action. Self-awareness can allow us to enact the selflessness we need to parent well and get through the hardest days. I hope H.A.L.T. works for you!
The Life So Valley 